i can feel impossibly small and also like i'm everything all at once, there's no sense in it, some days it's terror, some days it's just the ache in my teeth from grinning too wide at a pinprick of starlight--like i know a secret only the universe and i are in on, even if i can't name it. i spend all day in these stacks, between these whispering pages that know things i can't even imagine yet, and then i go outside and it all rushes in like a tide and i don't know if i'm drowning or flying, but i don't hate either.