I can feel bone-tired and wildly awake at the same time. isn't that strange? Like the day is ending but something new is starting right here in this moment, neighbor’s porch still warm from the sun… i’m not sure i should be talking to neighbors for so long these days, it's like i get plugged back in, the quiet hum of connection starting again and i wasn't even lonely before but now… now i know i wasn't, i was just holding my breath and oh god i think i can feel my stomach relax again, it really is spring even though it's new orleans and spring is a suggestion more than a season, soleil is purring loud as a motor and i swear she knows things i don’t, she smelled it coming, i think, this little unraveling, this remembering what it feels like to be alive, fully. that’s the joy, isn’t it? not the absence of ache but the ache held gently, knowing it doesn’t get the last word.