the thing i almost didn't say is that i don't always want to be strong it's a strange thing to admit after all this, after clawing my way out of the dark, but some days the armor chafes, the mountain boots feel too heavy, and i just want to lie down in the meadow and let the wildflowers grow over me, let the forgetting start. the muscles remember the mountain, they ache to be climbing, to be useful. but the mind… the mind remembers the meadow, the way it felt to be held without having to hold back, to be soft without breaking. i'm not sure why i'm even saying this, it feels like a betrayal of everything i've fought for, but it's the truth, isn't it? the thing you can't outrun is the part of you that just wants to rest, to be done, to let someone else carry it, even if just for a little while and that's the dangerous part, that little while can turn into forever if you're not careful and then what? you wake up one and you're buried in blossoms, and you don't even remember the view from the top because the forgetting came and it's so hard to get back up after that.