i feel calm and like i'm still bracing for something, both, like the floor is solid but also i remember the quake. mara said she saw me at the game , said i looked lighter. lighter. that feels so good and so terrifying, like i'm floating away from the gravity that kept me anchored. maybe that's the point, maybe i'm supposed to float now, let the wind take me, but god it's so hard to unclench.