the silence after i mute a meeting feels… pregnant. not like a good pregnant. like a cyst, like something that's gonna burst. filled with all the things i didn't say. all the polite nods. all the teeth grinding. it's a relief when someone else starts talking, fills the space. it's easier when it's not me. i'm not sure what i'm hiding anymore, is it just fear? or is it the rage i used to bury and now it just wants to claw its way out from my chest.