It's the almost-laugh that gets stuck in my throat, you know? the one where you're not sure if you're going to cry or just shatter. Priya always knows which it'll be, i don't. like the name on the cup, some stranger's guess at what they think i am, and it all spills out. not sure why i'm even posting this, feels too exposed, like Beans looking up at me all wide eyed, i hate that. or maybe it's the feeling that something awful isn't coming but already here, under my skin, thrumming. the hum that replaced the scream, only now it's LOUDER.