the silence after a doctor finally listens feels like i've been holding my breath for years and the anger comes from realizing how accustomed i've become to choking. like yeah, that's great you finally see me, but where were you the last decade, the last DOZEN some days it feels like a life sentence and then to be angry at the person who extends a hand, it's twisted, but it's also the system it's all of it, the whole damn thing.