how i could hear it. that mean thing i almost said to myself… and it wasn’t… shocking, this time. like i recognized the pattern in the carpet. the way the sun hits the window and makes a prism on the wall. i just… knew it. knew it was coming. and that knowing… maybe that’s the whole thing. just… hearing it sooner. the little hitch in my breath before i told myself i was worthless… the way my stomach clenched, remembering things from when i was a kid… those are clues. signals. so i said… what was it? i said… 'nope'. just… nope. out loud. in the art room. by myself. nope. and it… paused. like the voice was surprised someone answered back. or maybe that someone finally heard it for what it was.