like untangling christmas lights, that’s what it feels like when a pattern shifts, the click in my head, not excitement, not really, more like...recognition, the jaw unclenches a millimeter, and all the things that felt knotted suddenly loosen, that feeling, like i could finally take a breath after holding it for too long, and the whiteboard, the whiteboard is smiling, or is that just the way the light hits it now, the spreadsheet is a mirror, showing me what i didn’t want to see, but it also shows me what i am, right now anyway, the story isn't fixed, it's just... current.