heard a kid laughing and felt… joy, yeah, but mostly… like something was being stolen from me, but i never owned it to begin with, so what is that, phantom limb syndrome of the heart? like happiness belongs to other people, beamed in, but my receiver's broken, keeps spitting out static, tried to paint it but it looked like puke on canvas, that bilious green always betrays me. maybe i'll just let beans sleep on my face for a while and hope i suffocate in purrs.