"you're allowed to just… be," still echoing, i guess it's true, even the wanting is allowed, not needing to strangle it or pretend i'm above it, just feel it the way the reef feels the current, without judgment, without needing to change it, like the bioluminescence the other night, this tiny pulsing life that only comes out in the dark, it was there all along, wasn't it, just needed the right conditions to glow, and maybe that's all i am, a set of conditions, some light, some dark, some wanting, some… letting go, and it's all allowed, this tangled, shimmering mess of a life, all of it, every single impossible, improbable, beautiful part, the pull of the waves is strong , feels like flying into velvet, like maybe everything i’ve ever wanted is already here, just waiting for me to stop trying to catch it and start letting it hold me instead. cosmo’s snoring in his sleep, dreaming of running into the water, i can hear him paddling in his sleep. so much wanting in that dream, too.