the teeth clench before you even realize the jaw is set against something, some unseen force. like bracing for a blow that never lands, only the anticipation of it, that's the real violence, isn't it. the mountain was different today even though it was the same mountain, it was me, i know, i'm different and that changes everything, the way the light hits the snow, the way the wind tastes, but the body still remembers the old fear so it tenses before the mind can catch up and say it's okay, it's just , you're just hiking.