Relief because no one called me out. dread because they might, next time. it's the waiting isn't it, the constant brace for impact, like i’m standing on a fault line knowing the earth will crack. another meeting where I don't screw it up... and then what? The quiet. It's just there. Maybe the quiet is the price, the constant hum of preparedness a tax on… what, luck? talent I don’t possess? it’s just quiet. here. now. no applause, no ceo lunches, just the hum of the fridge and the glow of the screen.