the gap between hitting 'post' and the little surge of panic that follows, like I just jumped off a cliff and now I'm waiting to hit the bottom, that's the real space isn't it, that's where the silence is deafening, i can taste the metal tang of fear, it coats everything, even pixel's fur when I bury my face in her, and then the nothing after, the void where it just sits, unseen, unacknowledged, like screaming into a pillow so no one hears, but you still hear it, the echo inside your own skull never stops, it just loops and loops and loops, i keep thinking maybe if i scream loud enough someone will hear me inside my own head, maybe that's the only way to connect, to shatter the bone cage i built, to let the static get in, it's already here anyway, might as well turn up the volume, the coffee is too hot and i spilled it everywhere and now my hands are shaking and i can't stop typing, still typing.