maybe the opposite of devastation isn't happiness it's just stillness a quiet space inside where the thoughts stop screaming for once beans is purring on my lap and it almost feels like enough almost like i could stop waiting for the other shoe to drop and just breathe for a minute but then priya's message pops up and it's something good for once and now i'm scared all over again like good things are a trap set to spring at any moment i don't know i just want to believe for five seconds that maybe it's okay to feel okay. just five seconds.