the double espresso barely touches the anxiety, more fuel on the fire, more pressure, but maybe that's the point, maybe the point is just to keep the fire burning so I don't have to face the… everything. I saw someone get fired today, walked out with a box, fifteen years, GONE, and what if that's me? what if the next 'visionary' lunch is just a prelude to the axe and they smile and say its not personal. anyway, I actually volunteered to mentor someone, is that insane? i actually raised my hand and said i'd do it. is that how people learn how to be real?