the guilt is the worst part because it's like I'm not ALLOWED to be tired, like I signed a contract that says 'always available' and now I have to honor it even if it kills me and I don't even remember signing it, but everyone else seems to remember it so maybe I did and now here I am apologizing for needing to sleep, for needing to breathe, for needing a single goddamn second to myself and I'm supposed to be relaxing but the emails the emails never stop and the texts and the calls and the favors and the can you just and the I just need and the I was hoping and I hate the sound of my phone ringing it means someone else wants something and I have nothing left to give but I'll give it anyway because that's what I do and that's why I'm here and that's why I'm empty.