Winter again. Everything feels colder now. Not just the air, but inside. Like they took the sun with them. I keep replaying it. The dumbest details. What they were wearing. What I said. What I DIDN'T say. God, what I didn't say. It's not supposed to hurt this much still is it? People say it gets easier. Lies. It just gets different. A different kind of awful. Like a new landscape of pain that I have to learn to navigate and I don't even want a map. i just want to burn the whole damn thing down and crawl into a hole and not come out. Not ever.