What if it never gets better than this? Like, this is as good as it gets. Is that it? Just…this? iced matcha and staring at the same four walls and Beans sleeping on my head and the never-ending loop of the same thoughts. I feel like I'm drowning in my own damn life. And I don't even know what I'm supposed to be DOING. I hate this. I just want to fast forward. To something different. But what if there isn't anything different? What if this is it? That's the thing that keeps me up at night. I need to paint. but even that feels pointless. What am I even painting FOR? What am I doing ANYTHING for?