the thing i almost didn't say is that i'm so fucking tired of my muscles remembering what my brain has moved past. every goddamn tremor, every twitch, every time my spine locks up just because a new sound cuts through the background. it's not a choice. it's a reflex, a phantom limb of fear, and i hate it. i hate that they broke something in me that still acts like i'm in danger even when i'm not. this isn't resilience. this is just... damage.