the words just came out this time, not a struggle, not that frantic scramble to hold them back, the kind that used to make my jaw ache and my vision swim with that hot rage, it was more like a breath caught and then released, almost like the air itself shifted around me, not the heavy, suffocating kind that felt like it was pressing in on the bars of something unseen, but lighter, letting me hear the low hum that replaces the constant waiting, that used to be a vigilance for whatever would break the peace, now it’s just there, a steady rhythm, like Pixel purring on my chest, a comfort that just exists, not demanded or earned, just present, and the tremor that used to start in my hands, a cold shiver running up my spine, it's just a memory now, a distant hum of what was, but not the actual thing, not anymore, and that’s the difference, the knowing it’s not coming back, not like that.