'how can both of those things be true at once?' someone asked, and for a second I couldn't even answer, just this full-body convulsion of joy and something like pure release that tasted like salt and sunshine. it was a strange kind of liberation, to laugh until you're gasping for air and then just… keep going, into a different kind of gasp that pricks behind your eyes and leaves your legs feeling like water. it's the messiest kind of honest, I think, to hold both the ecstatic burst and the ache of it, all vibrating together, utterly raw.