and then it just keeps going, this feeling of everything being utterly raw, but in a way that doesn't hurt, it just IS, like the hum in my teeth after a sip of iced matcha on a particularly vibrant chicago day, the way the vibration settles right into the bones of my skull, a peculiar kind of awareness that washes over everything, and this resonance isn't the anxious kind, not the one that used to make my stomach clench with that sudden, familiar twist that used to signal disaster, no, it's a deep current now, a buzzing in the very marrow, like my body finally decided to just HOLD all the frequencies, not filter them, and it’s summer, the light comes in through the window, strong and golden, and there’s beans curled up on the rug, perfectly content, utterly oblivious to the internal earthquake that just passed through me, but i'm feeling it all, the reverberations making the skin on my arms prickle and sing, not in fear but in pure, unfettered recognition of being truly, undeniably here, right now, in this wildly imperfect, impossibly full moment.