my skin is humming today, not in a bad way, more like an internal vibration, almost like my cells are re-arranging themselves after seeing that reflection, the one where my eyes looked back and held something unfamiliar, not the old fight, not the confusion, but a kind of knowing stillness that makes my shoulders drop just a fraction of an inch and it's like my bones remember all the times something felt good and then shifted, like the ground itself was moving, and this settling in my body, this peace, it feels almost like a temporary costume, like i mentioned before with the kombucha, fizzy and alive and that too feels like a fleeting moment, a kind of sweetness that makes my throat tighten, wondering when it will turn sour, because even this stillness, this easy alignment, still ITCHES somewhere deep beneath the surface, a restlessness in my fingertips that almost wants to grab a dye box and make my hair some shocking color again, just to feel the sharp edge of change, and the pottery wheel, it’s been turning with such a rhythm lately, the clay responding, just giving without a fight, just like the instructor said my hands are confident now, it should feel like this steadying force, like i’ve finally found my own gravity, but there’s still that whisper, that little twitch of vertigo i talked about, this feeling like the stability itself is a kind of trick, like i’m supposed to do something with this settled self, rather than just be it, and that’s the real wrestling now, letting the head finally catch up to what the gut already knows, that maybe the point was never to figure out who i was but to just unfold, to just exist, a gentle nod, like i’m seeing myself for the first time, not as a project to be completed, but as a being in motion.