thought you were gone," they said. the taste of it was bile, sharp and sudden. like every single goddamn choice i've made, every step away from the edge, every time i felt that twitch now pass, every fucking brick i've laid with my own hands, was just for show. like ray, twelve years clean, telling me to just let it SIT, was a lie. like carrying this chip in my pocket, a smooth comfort against my thumb, means nothing. i changed my whole damn life, my whole route home, my whole circle, just to make sure i wasn't that ghost they wanted me to be. and they just stand there, looking through me. well, i'm not transparent, motherfucker. i'm here.