the instant that word, "expert," hit my screen, that familiar grip in my gut tightened, like a cold hand just squeezed my insides; even after all these years at the Fortune 500, my first thought is still "they're going to find out" before i even process what the email is about. it's wild, how that muscle memory of dread just fires off, even when everything is actually fine, thriving even, like the house of cards finally became solid brick and my body just hasn't updated the memo yet. i can almost laugh at it now, this constant internal audit searching for the cracks.