it wasn't that i missed it, not truly, but there was this strange, almost involuntary twitch in my jaw, a brief clench that dissolved as quickly as it came, like my muscles remembering the exact posture of a suit i used to wear, a kind of invisible armor that shaped everything, and for a fleeting second it was like i could feel the weight of it again, the pressure it put on my shoulders, the way it held me rigid, and then just as suddenly, it was gone, evaporating into the salt air, leaving behind that familiar looseness in my joints, the kind that only comes from days of moving with the waves, a full-body knowledge that what i'm wearing now, if anything, is just the light, just the warmth on my skin and the cool rush of the ocean as cosmo barrels headfirst into it like he's trying to outrun the very concept of yesterday, and that feeling, that absolute lack of anything needing to be held together, it’s not just in my chest anymore, it’s in my fingertips when they brush the surface of the water, a deep, pervasive knowing that this particular current, this unburdened flow, is the one, the only one that ever made any sense, and the memory of that phantom pressure just feels like a story told by someone else, a picture from a lifetime ago where the person smiling wasn't quite me, not yet.