the way my jaw feels tight sometimes, even when there's nothing to hold back. it's a subtle clench, a memory of trying to force words where none existed, or perhaps just a habit of reaching for something that refuses to be grasped. then there's this release in the throat, almost a physical widening, when i stop wrestling with it and just let the unknowable BE. maybe that deep exhale tells me the finding wasn't in the definition, but in the space created by its absence, like that ongoing sense of searching not for an answer but for the edge of the question itself.