it's always just under the skin, isn't it, that tremor, that ghost of a pull in the muscles around the mouth even when the smile is perfectly in place, the one that tells them everything is normal, everything is absolutely fine, just another day in the corporate office where everyone assumes a certain level of composed ease, like it’s a required uniform that you just slip into without thought, but god, the effort that still goes into it sometimes, even now, even when most days are genuinely lighter, there are these micro-moments that just yank you back, reminding you of the weight of that invisible suit, the exhaustion that settles deep in the hips after a long run, mirroring the ache of holding back that scream that never quite finds its way out, just sits there, a raw spot at the base of the throat, and the constant awareness of needing a space, just a moment, a tiny sliver of privacy to just let the face go slack, but no, not now, so it’s just the jaw clenching, again, and the pressure behind the eyes, an echo of all those times it was so much worse, a flicker of it, a reminder of how far i’ve come and how much work it still is.