...and then it just registered, that sudden shift, the plans evaporating and my first gut reaction wasn't even a flicker of disappointment, but this deep, almost painful unclenching in my chest, like i’d been holding my breath for hours, days maybe, just waiting for the next thing to demand my attention, and for a second the numbness in my fingertips from always reaching for what someone else needed just… receded, leaving this odd, tingling awareness of myself, just myself, and it's almost dizzying, this unfamiliar freedom, this expanse of minutes that are just mine to fill or not fill, and the guilt is a whisper, a distant memory, but it's not the roar it used to be, not even close, and i almost want to laugh at the sheer audacity of feeling so much relief that someone ISN'T going to need me for once, and for a moment i don't feel like an office manager whose phone is perpetually at 2% because everyone texts them for help, i just feel… present.