the silence that settles after the small body finally goes slack against you, it's not truly silent, the air conditioner hums, the distant drone of a leaf blower from two streets over in dallas, but it’s a silence of DEMAND, a sudden weightlessness where the invisible strings that bind me seem to slacken for a breath, and my bones, they still hum with the memory of constant carrying, just a softer tune for a moment, and i feel the cold coffee on the table beside me, the one i poured what feels like a lifetime ago, a reminder of the precious brevity of these moments, and for a split second, i can almost remember the feel of a paintbrush in my hand, the way a different kind of focus used to pull me, before everything became about just keeping these tiny humans alive, thriving even, and it’s a strange mix, this grateful pause, because i know the moment i shift, the spell will break, and the full symphony of needs will start up again, but for now, just this breath where the air feels lighter on my skin, and i'm not sure if i'm exhaling the past few hours or just anticipating the next wave.