the faint, barely-there sheen on the window frame caught the light in a way that just… held me for a second, a fleeting moment of unexpected clarity, and it unlocked something, that subtle shimmer against the grain of the wood, bringing up that weird specific fizz of freedom mixed with a prickle of something else right behind my eyes, that little tug that tells you you're alone again, even when that's exactly what you wanted, the plans evaporating into the summer air and part of me just wants to unfurl completely and stretch out across the entire apartment floor, just my cat beans purring on the rug and the dust motes dancing in the sunbeams, while another part feels that strange almost-guilt for finding peace in an empty space, this whole contradictory warmth blooming in my gut like a slightly bruised peach, and i thought i was finally getting good at the whole laughing instead of crying thing, but sometimes the tears just well up anyway, a tiny wave of something bittersweet, like an echo of every single feeling I’ve ever had, all at once, and it feels okay, it truly does, just this one deep breath, knowing it's mine