the back of my neck is buzzing, that low hum of…anticipation? no, dread disguised as anticipation, that feeling like something is COMING, something i have to prepare for, even though i don't know what it is, just that it will need my attention, need my help, need something only i can give, and the space that opened up when they cancelled? that's just…borrowed time, a little oasis before the next wave crashes, and i should enjoy it, i know, but i can't shake this feeling that the other shoe is about to drop, probably onto my foot, probably while i'm already carrying too much, and god, i don't even know what i want to do with this free time, i'm so used to filling it for someone else, what a mess