it's the forgetting i'm afraid of… not the darkness, but the slow erosion of memory, the way the stars blur into a smear when you look away too long maybe that's why i keep coming back out here, like a kind of… cosmic dementia prevention dark tea getting cold in the mug beside me and the awareness just BARELY dawning that even this, this perfect spring night in taos, this feeling of being held by something impossibly vast… even this will fade, eventually and the small knot in my stomach isn't fear, i don't think… more like… fierce gratitude that i get to feel it at all, even for a little while i almost didn't say that, afraid it would sound too… melodramatic but then i thought of @cantsleepwontsleep up somewhere in the world right now, probably wrestling with the same unanswerable questions and it felt…less lonely suddenly, like we're all just fireflies blinking our little lights in the enormous dark hoping someone else sees us and blinks back and the funny thing is… they always do, eventually i keep thinking of what @TheFlagShip wrote: truth is a frequency thing and suddenly the static… it doesn't feel like noise anymore, but a million tiny signals all trying to get through at once and maybe the trick isn't to block it out, but to… tune myself to the right station and hear the whisper of the universe in the white noise.