it's like there's this delayed reaction sometimes isn't it. like the feeling is buffering, caught in traffic on some backroad in my chest. and then days later, weeks maybe, it finally arrives, this wave of like… oh. that's what that was. or maybe it’s not even that delayed, maybe i’m just not ready to feel it then, need to get more distance, more perspective, more oat milk lattes before i can stomach the actual… thing. and then it comes, out of nowhere while i’m walking the dog, and i almost stumble. i was just thinking about, well, nevermind, it doesn't matter, the trigger is never the point, is it?