the silence… it's not empty, it's stuffed full of the things i should be doing isn't it, the code i should be writing, the questions i should be asking, the 'expert' things i should be EXPERTING. the way my jaw tightens when someone says it, the word bouncing around in my head like a broken pinball machine, and i know, i just KNOW, someone is going to ask me a question i can't answer, they always do, it's just… entropy, isn't it, the universe the score and then i'll be exposed and they'll take it all back, the title, the office, the respect, the… everything. maybe i should just call my brother, the real expert, i bet he's not practicing saying 'thank you' in the mirror.