the silence is the loudest thing i know, it hums right through the bone, that kind of knowing that sits beneath the surface of everything else, like the concrete when you put your ear to it but you're not sure if it's real or if you're making it up, but it’s real, i can hear it, feel it in my teeth again… like the moment just before priya starts laughing so hard she cries and then just keeps crying, she hates it, i love it, that switch, like flipping a circuit breaker, and now i'm crying too, but before the funny, before it actually hurts, the silence is… pregnant maybe? with everything that could happen and won’t and it's heavy, so heavy, like breathing underwater, this knowing, this quiet that screams.