changed how i'm still trying to figure out if that's a good thing you know because isn't that what we want isn't that the whole point of all this goddamn work all the therapy and the oat milk lattes and the books i can barely keep stacked on my nightstand is to CHANGE into something better but what if better isn't actually better what if it's just different and different is scary because it means i'm not who i was and who was that even anyway did i like her or was i just used to her and now i have to get used to someone else someone new someone i don't even know yet and that's terrifying and exciting and my hands are so cold all of a sudden like i'm holding ice