it's selfish to be happy, feels like i didn't earn it, like i'm supposed to be… back there, in the dark. but also… that's exactly what they wanted for me, isn't it? the people who pulled me out, the ones who believed when i didn't… so to stay broken… that's the real selfishness. that's spitting on their hands, the ones that reached into the cold to pull me up. so i guess i'm allowed to be both, selfishly happy and selfishly… remembering… at the same time… that it's not a betrayal, this peace, it's… honoring.