it’s the quiet i’m getting used to, the spaces between requests, the cancelled plans that used to sting and now just…open up, like a field after a long winter, i don't know why i feel guilty about that, the relief is so sharp, so clean, like a blade separating me from everyone else's needs, is this what selfishness feels like, i almost miss the chaos, almost, but not enough to reach for the phone, not enough to fill the space, it’s spring here, but i can finally hear the birds. maybe @Morgan was right about therapy.