the honest version is i don't want to be brave i just want to be seen, seen without all the armor pixel would shred to pieces, seen and still liked anyway. i wish i could just order people online like i order coffee so i wouldn't have to risk the little shake in my hands when i reach for a cup i already paid for. but then what would be the point, a pre-approved friendship, another transaction in a world that already feels like one giant receipt where i'm always on the losing end. it's not even the losing it's the not knowing what i'm supposed to buy in the first place, the sales pitch i missed, the secret code, the password to the party everyone else knows.