isn't it funny, how the mind plays tricks? i could have sworn it was them, the set of their shoulders, the way they moved, just for a split second on the sidewalk and the punch to the gut, the blood draining from my face only it wasn't them, it was some stranger living their life, probably not even thinking about love or loss or the cheap red wine i'm drinking to take the edge off and now my hands are shaking all over again and it's worse because it's a reminder that they're not here, not even close enough to accidentally see, that they're a million miles away, and maybe that's where they should stay maybe i should just let it go, jade would probably kill me, but i can't, not yet, not until this ache fades a little, not until the memory of their hands isn't branded onto my skin i can't and i hate it, i hate how weak i am, how easily i fall apart at the sight of a stranger who resembles them, how much power they still have over me even when they're not even here so many things that remain unsaid but somehow scream in the silence