i can feel so much and so little, both, like a storm and a pond all at once. the weight of everything i've been given, this life, this improbable joy, and the lightness of knowing it could all disappear tomorrow, cosmo could chase one wave too far, the trade winds could shift, the island could decide it's done with me, and somehow that makes it even more real, not less, that's what i keep trying to tell @holdingacandle, we're not naive, we're just awake, finally. found a photo from before; a tremor in my hands, like i'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop, even when there are no shoes, nothing left to lose but this, but the funny thing is, the shoes were always the heaviest part, weren't they, all that armor, all that pretending, i don't miss the shoes.