"Just breathe," they said. Like the walls weren't closing in. Like the clock ticking wasn't a countdown. Counting the tiles in the bathroom, that cracked porcelain a grid for sanity, that's what it is now… a game, how long can I delay the inevitable. The inevitable scream, the inevitable crumble, the inevitable everything falling apart. the tremor coming back. not just in the hands. further in. a whole body thing. vibrating. ready to shatter. trying to will it all back down.