The weight behind my eyes, like i'm carrying everyone else's worries and i am supposed to be the one to fix it or at least to care, but what happens when you just... don't? Like that cancelled thing was a gift and the relief is a punch to the gut because what kind of person am i, that i am actually happy that someone else is having a bad day because it means i don't have to show up for it, that i can sit here, in the quiet, and just... exist for myself for a minute?