the throat tightens, like a reflex, when praise comes. like the body doesn't trust a compliment, waiting for the fine print, the clause about extra work and longer hours and impossible deadlines hidden somewhere deep in the contract. the new boss gave positive feedback today and i smiled but inside i was running the numbers, trying to figure out what it would cost me. i should be grateful, but the gratitude feels like a pre-emptive apology for something i haven't even done yet.