restless during meditation… felt like fighting myself, every breath a tiny battle… but then i remembered the trees outside, how they sway even when there's no wind, just the earth breathing through them, a different kind of stillness, an active stillness… not the kind i was trying to force, maybe that's it, maybe stillness isn't about stopping, but about allowing the movement, the push and pull, the things that won't be quiet… the rocks don't try to hold back the river they just… let it flow around them, i wonder if that's what it means to truly be present, to not resist the currents, even the ones that feel like they're tearing you apart… to let it all move through you and still stand.