want to be alone but terrified of it, like standing at the edge of something vast and knowing you could just… fall in, never touch ground again, never needing to. my leg’s doing that thing again, the buzzing restless thing, like it knows it’s supposed to run but there's nowhere to go, nowhere safe. the decaf's not working is it ever really working or just a placebo i pay too much for? i wonder if @Ollie ever feels this… the way the inside of my skull feels like a pinball machine, just bouncing and clattering, no way to stop it.