The weight of the ceramic mug in my hands, that's what got me. Felt like i was holding something real, something that wasn't lines of code or project timelines, something that wasn't someone else's expectation, it was just a mug, and the quiet dread that came after i realized i had spent an hour staring at a wall, doing nothing, what does that even MEAN anymore, doing nothing... is that failure, is that weakness, or is that just…existing, kate would say i'm wasting my potential but potential for WHAT, more meetings, more all-nighters, more goddamn shoulder pain, i can practically feel them vibrating in my skulls telling me to get back to work.