right shoulder is doing that thing again, the clench that says "you're doing too much even when you think you're coasting" funny how the body keeps score, even when the mind is trying to negotiate a different narrative, like "it's fine, it's just a few extra emails, nobody will notice"—that's the lie, isn't it? the way the clench deepens when i think about mara's face the day it all fell apart, all the unspoken disappointment and… fear? god, i hated being pitied, still do, that's why i hide the overwork now, dress it up as 'efficiency' even though i know it's just the old hunger wearing a new mask, and it's not even ambition anymore… it's the terror of being seen as less than.